Still, something was missing. Underneath everything else, when I was alone and honest with God, that heart’s cry of a 6 year old girl still existed deep in my heart. I wanted someone to love me, someone to whom I was special. I wanted to be uniquely important to a father; I wanted to be a DAUGHTER—treasured, significant, beloved. Despite glorious glimpses, the ongoing reality of experiencing God’s heart, His intense and personal love and affection for me, evaded me.
I sat through teachings and sermons about God’s love. I read books. I continued to unburden this unfulfilled desire to God. I sought entrée into the type of companionable, favored relationship I observed between certain friends and God. Nothing pointed me towards a Biblical reality which I could embrace and throw myself into. Nothing seemed to offer me that sort of loving intimate, experiential relationship with Father. I looked at others and said “I want that! Yet, I assumed that it was for some but not for me.
Enter a class at the Bible college where I was the office administrator. A local pastor was coming in to teach a course about the love of God. To say the least I was skeptical. In fact, I initially sat in to make sure our students were not being influenced by some “greasy grace” message which could lead them to reject holiness and consecration as religious bondage. Little did I know that that class was a God ordained “moment” for my life. As that pastor began to teach, he drew us into the Scriptures, pointing out what has always been there—the clear, personal, deep, and intense love which God has for you and for me. From beginning to end, the Scriptures contain this cohesive testimony—God loves you! And He wants you to know it!
I was undone. I was shocked and amazed. What I had been searching for my entire life, I now saw to be clearly within my grasp. I began to intensely RUN towards the truth of God’s love for my life. And, both immediately and over the course of months, my life was transformed.
I can not begin to put into words the depths and breadth of this transformation. That which my heart of hearts had always desired I found—offered freely and easily accessible to me. I began to encounter the favor that others professed to regularly sense. I began to hear from God more easily and more regularly. I began to love Him more and desire more deeply to pour out my life in thankful return. The Scriptures have been “transformed” to me. I ask myself frequently—why couldn’t I see this before?! As I see over and over again the Biblical record of Abba’s heart for us. The prophetic books used to awe me and scare me. Now, they too testify to the incredible passionate loving commitment of God to His people. His judgment has become to me an extension of His love. I no longer fear falling under His wrath, but have been enabled to give grateful thanks for His devoted chastisement. I can recognize more frequently His activity in my life. I have more to be thankful for as I recognize His hand more consistently. He can share more with me, as, for the first time in my life, I have ears to hear what He is saying. And more than anything else, He has become the center to me—the passion of my life, my focus, my desire. … I can think of no one else I would rather be loved by and precious to—God Himself is my Father, my source of love and self-worth. And … I am content in His arms. His love has become to me all that I have desired from earthly relationships. He has wrought in me by His love that which I never thought possible. I am loved! I am treasured! I am valuable and significant to God! And—this incredible reality, this glorious truth, is presently available to you. If Abba can do this in me, I have confidence that He can do it in anyone. Turn to Jesus and ask according to Ephesians 3, that He would grant you the strength—the anointing—to grasp, apprehend, and get a hold of this love. Knowing His love will transform your life. May He grant you, according to His glorious power, to be strengthened to receive what He is eager to pour out—His personal, intense, deep, longing love for you, now!